Fostering post from the car

I am blogging from the car. We have no internet or cable at the new house yet. So I sit here, in the apartment's driveway, using our internet, not wanting to get two toddlers out by myself. Even as I type this they are starting to cry, so this won't be long.

Did you know we are officially licensed to foster? We were approved last week, then a day later we accepted our first placement. We got the call around 3:30am, found out a tiny bit of information, said yes, then by 4:30am he was here. 

For the sake of privacy and anonymity, I'm going to call him C. C is 1 1/2 years old. He was placed due to severe neglect and abandonment. When we first got him, he didn't eat, didn't cry, didn't want to be touched, didn't know how to play with toys. He is completely non-verbal. Although in the past week, we have already seen great strides in all these areas. It is very encouraging.

Lilah, on the other hand, has been a beast. She hits, spits, steals toys, yells, and deliberately disobeys. Her bad behavior is constant. There is no break, there are little things she does right. I am going to lose my mind. 

I am trying to be compassionate and graceful in my parenting with her, but it's very frustrating. I am completely overwhelmed right now. Poor girl has been through a lot in the past week, but so have I, and I am tired and having a hard time being patient. I think these next few months will be some of the hardest ever. 

I received an encouraging reminder this morning from a friend: For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken (Psalms 62:1-2). Needing God's mercy and grace now more than ever.

House Tour {Before}

A house tour post. Our neglected/distressed/short sale house. Only before pictures. With main points about some of the bigger/necessary changes we have planned.

Our new house

- Repair or replace sprinkler system

- Grass

- Pruning, trimming, plant removal
- Pressure wash house and concrete
- Paint house

Front Yard/Front Porch

- Change locks

- Paint front door

- Landscaping: borders, flowers, plants

- Hang tree swing

Living Room/Great Room

- Clean and sanitize everything

- Repair holes in walls

- Paint ceiling, baseboards, walls, and doors

- Steam clean tiles and reseal grout

- New lighting

- Clean duct work

Kitchen/Dining

- Clean and sanitize everything

- New appliances

- New lighting

- New cabinet knobs and pulls

Front Bedroom

- Clean and sanitize everything

- Paint ceiling, baseboards, door, and walls

- Steam clean tiles and reseal grout

Hall Bathroom

- Clean and sanitize everything

- Clean and sanitize everything again

- Paint ceiling, baseboards, walls, and door

- Steam clean tiles and reseal grout

- Clean shower grout and reseal

Back Bedroom

- Clean and sanitize everything

- Repair holes in walls

- Paint ceiling, baseboards, walls, and doors

- Steam clean carpets

Laundry Room

- Clean and sanitize everything

- Steam clean tiles and reseal grout

- Paint ceiling, baseboards, walls, and door

- Find/buy washer and dryer on Craig's List

- Potentially install utility sink

Master Bedroom

- Clean and sanitize everything

- Paint ceiling, baseboards, walls, and doors

- Steam clean carpets

- New lighting

- New window treatment

Master Bathroom

- Clean and sanitize everything

- Clean and sanitize everything again

- Potentially replace vanity, mirror, and lighting

- Paint ceiling, baseboards, walls, and doors

- Steam clean tiles and reseal grout

- Clean shower grout, recolor, and reseal

- Replace toilet

- Clean and sanitize everything one last time 

Pool

- Pressure wash deck

- Seal cracks in deck and repaint

- Touch up paint on pool cage

- Replace torn screens

- Install safety fence

- Install salt chlorinator in pool pump (so it's salt water, rather than chlorine) 

Back Porch

- New outdoor furniture

- Install plank ceiling

- Potentially replace sliding door with French doors

Bedroom Side Yard

- Grass

- Pruning, trimming, plant removal

- Bleach soffits

Garage Side Yard

- Grass

- Pruning, trimming, plant removal

- Replace rotting side garage door

Backyard

- Grass

- Pruning, trimming, plant removal

- Landscaping: borders, flowers, plants

- Potentially install fence

Oh yeah... and then we actually have to pack up our apartment, move everything, and unpack.

As you can see, there is a lot of work to be done. A lot. From this point on we will gladly be accepting donations in the forms of money, labor, babysitting, or massages... hehe.

Can I also take two seconds to acknowledge my family? You all are the best helpers. Thank you for your willingness to help spruce this place up. I know it wasn't your choice that we buy a fixer-upper, but I appreciate that you're there working next to us anyways. Free smoothies for life.

The new house

So here's that house we bought last Friday. Woohoo! Five months of waiting have finally paid off.... into a humongous, ginormous, never-ending To Do list.

We made a tiny dent in that list this weekend. With the help of my fam, we've already cleaned/sanitized 95% of the inside and cleared out a load of 1000+ pounds of landscape trimmings. On the agenda for next weekend, paint.

Ballerina

I think she learned this from Little Einsteins. It's really sweet.

That kid.

Here is a short video of that kid I have. You know, the one that hijacked my heart about two years ago. She is being super 'dorbes at the beach.

Losing Sarah {Almost one year later}

We lost our second daughter, Sarah, almost a full year ago. She was a full-term, stillborn baby girl.

I can confidently say that this past year has been the hardest, but also most wonderful year. 

Hardest- I'm sure you can understand this part easily. I can't imagine there are many things harder than losing a child.  Like that part when I had to tell my husband there was no heartbeat, like when we were holding our perfect, stillborn baby girl, like when we had to drive away from the hospital with no baby in the backseat, like the minutes and days and months that came later. Some posts here and here and here give you insight to a small part of my grief. Basically, I was a mess.

But wonderful- maybe this one is a little hard to understand? All I can say is that God showed up big time and has been faithful in his promises. When something like this happens- something unexpected, trying, tragic, life altering- there is nothing left but Jesus. There is no other hope. There is no other comfort. There is no other path to redemption. After Sarah died, I was left with nothing but the Cross. The Gospel was all I had.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance,  perseverance  character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. // Romans 5:1-5 

----------

I'd like to take this one step farther too. I'd like to challenge each of you to give your heart to God. Just give it up (it was never your to start with) and pray that God would use your life- that He would bring something (or even a bunch of somethings) into your life and use it for His glory. I already did, then I lost Sarah. I'm going to do it again. And again. And again. Think I'm crazy? Actually, sometimes I do think I'm pretty crazy. But the thing is, I have found something worth losing everything else for.

And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you've got what it takes- but God, don't put it off. // Psalm 40:17 

Confused? In disbelief? Going through your own sufferings? Email me. I would love to start a conversation about finding your one true hope.

----------

Amen. Amen to the hardest and most wonderful year ever.