This month means Sarah would have been 9 months old. There’s that stupid would have again. Those 9 months means that I am passing the point where she has been dead longer than she was alive.
I am feeling so distant from her. It’s been a lifetime since I felt her steady, strong kicks in my belly; since I saw her tiny, beating heart on the ultrasound; since I got to smell her sweet, soft skin; since I got to kiss her lips and fingers and forehead. It’s been a lifetime since I had to walk out of that hospital, leaving my precious daughter behind.
This is going to be a hard month to get through.
I am just so tired of hurting.